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October 2017
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How to survive a long distance relationship

How to survive a long distance relationship

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When I told the people around me that my boyfriend was going to be away for six months, a lot of people expected that my relationship with him would not work out. They said that six months is way too long and we are too young, that we would grow apart, that we would lose contact after a while and so many other things. Only a few people around me assured me that my boyfriend and I would be fine. A lot of people think long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Especially when you are not able to have contact every single day due to a bad internet connection or no connection at all (like in my case, where my boyfriend is on board of a containership, so internet connection could be a problem in the middle of the ocean). But if you are facing a long distance relationship and are not sure if you want to continue or break up, trust me and do not give up your relationship right away. It is not going to be easy, and if you do not have a healthy or good relationship to begin with, not seeing each other is not going to make it better. Living far away from your partner has so many disadvantages, but not all the outcomes will be negative. Want to know how to make your long distance relationship work? Here are some tips:


  1.       Trust each other

Trust is already a crucial part of every single relationship, but it is even more important in long distance relationships. If you do not trust each other, you are going to have a really hard time. You will be stressed out all the time, wondering what the other person is doing and whether or not he or she is with someone else at that moment. You have to be able to trust your partner (and yourself of course) and give the other person enough space. It goes without saying that you should never break your partner’s trust. My boyfriend and I talked about this issue before he left, and we know that we trust each other. It is nice to know that he trusts me and, for example, I can still go out with my friends without it causing any problems.

  1.       Learn to communicate

Like trust, communication is not just important for long distance relationships, but also for every “normal” relationship. However, by being in a long distance relationship you learn how important it is, and you will find that being far away from each other actually taught you how to communicate  well with each other. Make sure to talk about your time apart before it actually happens, share your feelings and expectations and make sure you really are on the same page. Make clear agreements on how many times you will have contact with each other (every day? Every other day?) so neither of you will be disappointed.

  1.       Know it’s only temporary

Always keep in mind that this is not how you are going to spend the rest of your lives. Time flies faster than you’d expect. Tip: install a count-down app on your smartphone and see the days fly by! (Big Day Lite is a free iPhone-app).  Make plans for when you will see each other again. It is really important to have something to look forward to.


  1.       Focus on the positive things

Try not to focus too much on that you miss the other person, but instead focus on the positive things in your relationship. The phone calls, the emails and the moment you will see each other again. You will never take the time with your partner for granted anymore, and appreciate every single second you spend with him or her! And don’t forget: in the end, a long distance relationship will only make your relationship stronger than before. My boyfriend and I try to focus on how many days we already have behind us (instead of how long it’s still going to be).

  1.       Don’t forget the little things!

When you do not have a lot of contact, it may be that you are only telling each other the most important things that happened. What I personally found was that I told my boyfriend about everything important that happened during that day, but forgot to mention the little things I would normally tell him because I would speak to him all the time. Those things may seem not important at all, but it will be nice talking about it, as if you’re not >1000 kilometers apart.

  1.       Don’t be jealous

Jealousy goes hand in hand with point 1 from the list, namely trust. Jealousy will not take you anywhere and will only make you feel bad about yourself. There is no point in being jealous as well – you cannot check what your partner is really doing and you will only make it worse by not trusting him or her.

  1.       Don’t have too much contact

Although it is nice to be able to have contact, try to limit it and give each other enough space. This does not mean you should try to have almost no contact at all, but you should try to find the balance that will work in your specific case. Whether that means sending an email every other day, sending a letter every week or skyping for three hours straight every evening –  try to find out what works best for you. Having contact with my boyfriend could sometimes be really troublesome, but if it’s possible, we try to have contact every day.

  1.       And finally – plan!

Planning is more important than you would expect. However, it’s really important to plan the times you would, for example, Skype each other. I know – it sounds not romantic at all. But with two entirely different schedules and sometimes even a lot of hours of time difference, you will have to plan out your “communication appointments”. Exchange each other’s schedules if possible. Planning your visits is also really important so you can make the most out of the little time you have together. I know the working hours of my boyfriend, and he knows my school hours. This way, we avoid dissapointments.

survived - forever together

Now, almost 6 months after my boyfriend left, we are still doing great! We cannot wait to see each other again and we have only 35 more days to go. I can honestly say that our relationship got stronger during the last six months. So, don’t be afraid of a long distance relationship, no matter what anyone around you says. Trust yourself and your relationship, and make the best out of your time apart.



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